I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about my life...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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