I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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