Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
