I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My penis needs a shock collar
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
