I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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