I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
