Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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