I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
