hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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