she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
