Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
