she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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