he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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