I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
