you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
