u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
