Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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