I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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