I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
