I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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