I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
NoShamevember. You game?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
