i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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