I think my fart just growled at me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
