Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How's work?
Spinning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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