I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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