Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
