i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
