It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
