do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
