i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
