We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
