Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
