do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
