yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
