i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
