ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
