How'd it feel making her break her religion?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
