My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
