i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im six kinds of drunk right now
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
