The maid of honor just puked.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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