No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
