I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
