$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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