Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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