im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
