Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
