I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
