he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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