you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
