Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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